she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
