Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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