I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
