I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
