I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
