Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
