What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
