The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
