weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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