So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
