I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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