I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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