you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
