i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
