after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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