i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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