why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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