Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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