some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
