Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
