I just cut my nipple shaving
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
