he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
a search helicopter?!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
