So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
