The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
