the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
