Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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