Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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