You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
