I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize