can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
