I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
