i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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