I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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