I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
