i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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