Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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