Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
