I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize