how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This baby is an asshole
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize