Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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