you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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