Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
dude. I can hear the air.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
