Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
