We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she peed on how many people?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My life is pants optional.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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