I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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