At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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