now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
