If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
