Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
