She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
