Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
