So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize