my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
