Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
