i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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