Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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