i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
