I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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