you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize