My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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