I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
