It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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