Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
