Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
