You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
