I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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