can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
