she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
