True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
