Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
