I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
